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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Neko's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, May 5th, 2009
9:08 pm
so, goodnight unto you all
THIS JOURNAL IS CLOSED AS OF THIS EVENING.

I've opened a new one for my personal life, because I feel like, between graduating and moving and my relationship status, it's time for a change, a clean slate of sorts.

New journal linked in preceding, friendslocked entry- if you're someone who stalks my journal and doesn't have one of your one (Adam and Sami, I am looking at you), let me know, and I'll give you the name. There are just some members of my past I don't want following me.

(1 deep thought | What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?)

Monday, May 4th, 2009
2:19 pm
her daddy gave her magic, I can tell by the way she walks
It's kind of bittersweet, winding down this semester. I'm five days away from being finished with stately oaks, tiger paraphernalia, and purple and gold. I'm through with this city and this campus. No more Middleton scavenger hunts. No more bookstore coffee made by my ex's ex who could actually have been a friend at one point. No more 3 am drives back to here to climb stairs and collapse into bed. No more annoying commute; no more constant ache of absence. No more caterpillar season. No more basking on the Parade Grounds or eating lunch in the Quad or stalking our teachers through Allen Hall. No more ResLife; no more Mullen, Costello, Hamm, Kamenetz, Codrescu, Michie, Sutherlands.

It's not that I'm not glad to graduate. I definitely am. But to see this all go, to have such a clear-cut ending... it's not like high school, where it sucked to leave my teachers and a handful of friends but most of the best were gone already and anything, anything was worth it to get away from my parents. Here, I'm losing mostly things that I'll miss.

But oh well! I'm done with LSU at 1 pm on Saturday.

Sami and Adam helped me move a bunch of stuff into the apartment this weekend, which was exciting. I also had my first day of work at American Eagle, which was not as bad as I expected. They want me to work again this coming up Saturday, from 6 to close. We'll see how that goes. I'm okay doing this job, but it is *not* something I want to keep long-term, so I'm continuing the hunt.

(1 deep thought | What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?)

Tuesday, April 28th, 2009
12:41 pm
fingertips have memories, mine can't forget the curves of your body
If you see me online between now and tomorrow night at 7, fight the urge to talk to me. I have to finish both of my final projects by 4:30 tomorrow, then go to their respective classes and turn them in. To make it yet more difficult, my first class is meeting at Serrano's, a Mexican restaurant right by campus, which has 2 for 1 margaritas on Wednesdays. Hoboy.

In much, much more awesome news, let me update you all on my Plans For After Next Week:
1. I'm not walking at graduation; it's just too much hassle. I'll be picking up my diploma on May 18th, I think.
2. Job: I got hired at American Eagle in the mall in Metairie. My first shift is on Saturday; I don't go fully on the schedule until May 19th, at my request.
3. Grad school: I got accepted to UNO a week ago, and I found out this weekend that I got an assistantship. This means my tuition is waived completely, and I am given a job on campus (12 hours, theoretically) and a stipend. Since I don't know exactly what kind of assistantship yet, I don't know what kind of job I'll be doing, but it will either be: working in their Writing Center, teaching (or assisting a teacher in) an undergrad class, or assisting a teacher with his/her research.

So, as of now, my plans for the next three years have coalesced and solidified, and I am ready to go.

Kevin and I had a very serious conversation this weekend about the new place, decorating it, furnishing it. It wasn't the most comfortable experience, but by the end of it, I could feel that we had grown closer than ever. I love this about our relationship, that even in the middle of tough moments, I never doubt us. I never doubt him. You'd think after a year and more I'd be used to how wonderful he is and how secure I am with him, but it continues to amaze and delight me.

In fact, to close, here's yet another sappy quote from him:
[00:09] Kevin: i don't want you to worry about us
[00:09] Kevin: we're fucking solid as a rock baby

(2 deep thoughts | What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?)

Monday, April 27th, 2009
3:20 pm
poetry portfolio
Beneath the cut are the three poems going in my final portfolio. I've learned that you bunch of slackers are bad at giving me feedback if I email you the poems; therefore, you can comment on them here :P They aren't due 'til tomorrow, and I'll probably still revise them after that, so please, if you're at all interested, leave me a comment or two about them.

3 poems, finalCollapse )

(8 deep thoughts | What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?)

Saturday, April 25th, 2009
9:15 pm
give in to love, or live in fear
I might have mentioned to some of you, months and months ago, that Kevin and I were having a conversation wherein he essentially paraphrased Rent without realizing it.

The short version is this:
[23:36] Kevin: or are you asking me why i trust you at all
[23:36] Kevin: because in that case, the answer is that i love you, and as far as i can tell, you love me
[23:37] Kevin: and thats worth exposing myself for
[23:37] Kevin: if i get hurt, it wont be the first time i got hurt, and im sure it wouldnt be the last
[23:37] Kevin: but im not going to be afraid of being hurt

full conversation bitCollapse )

(What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?)

Friday, April 24th, 2009
7:07 pm
one thing I can tell you is you got to be free
Apparently bitching viciously at livejournal is all it takes to make the universe chill out:

1. I got hired! American Eagle, in the mall, 40% employee discount. Yes oh yes. I go in for training on Sunday, and then I start work like two and a half weeks later.

2. Kevin and I went to see the apartment we think we're getting, and it looks nice and cozy, and we'll hear back from the lady by Tuesday.

3. I just had another job interview, this time at Express in the mall, and the lady said she really liked me and I'll hear from her by Friday, if I hear from her at all.

4. I GOT MY ASSISTANTSHIP FOR UNO!!! I'm going to grad school FOR FREE! Actually, they're paying me to go there. This is so awesome.

So, I have a job, I have a plan for the next three years, and I have no financial concerns related to that plan. All I need now is for this apartment to work out *crosses fingers*

(7 deep thoughts | What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?)

2:21 pm
dreamcatchers are clearly in order
I had a really horrible dream last night, and I'm recounting it here for those who wonder what it's like to dream vividly every night and almost always remember it (short answer: usually cool, occasionally the devil).

also, this is longCollapse )
I wish I could remember the name His Evilness called Lady Someone.

(2 deep thoughts | What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?)

Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009
3:33 pm
drive until you lose the road, or break with the ones you've followed
Brilliant apartment plan scrapped due to poor communication and Kevin not reporting all of his cash tips on his W-2, so that his income looks like much less than it is.
Alternate apartment plan delayed until tomorrow, because I drove down to NOLA this morning only to discover that their office was closed until exactly the time I knew I had to leave to come back for class. Fucking utter waste of time.

Today, I have:
-not seen the apartment I want to live in
-not gotten any significant amount of work done
-not gone to work and thus lost $25
-not gone to one class and thus lost about a percentage point and a half
-talked to my mom about her own apartment issues
-learned that the girl at Kev's work who is crushing on him is cooking him dinner (she works this morning, he works tonight; she's leaving pasta for him there)
-had Kevin act completely unconcerned about any of this, including the fact that I have to move out by May 9 and I HAVE NOWHERE TO GO RIGHT NOW
-had Kevin refuse to go fill out the paperwork without me because he didn't think an hour and a half was enough time to do that and still get to work on time
-watched someone pull out of a parking space and clip the end of my car, leaving only a small paint scrap, but it could have been so much worse

In an hour, I have to go to class and give a presentation that is worth 10% of my final grade. Tonight, I have to do all of tomorrow's homework and ideally at least half of Monday's, so that I can also pack for the weekend, so that I can leave immediately after class and go see the apartment. And this weekend I have to completely finish one final project and about halfway finish the other.

I just want something, anything, ONE DAMN THING to go right today.

(5 deep thoughts | What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?)

Monday, April 20th, 2009
11:02 pm
I hear people say, baby, so sweet
Having issues with the apartment because I assumed Kevin and I felt a similar sense of urgency about getting this settled, and it turns out we didn't. I'm driving down Wednesday morning to look at another place with him, as well as hopefully visit UNO and figure out why exactly webstar thinks I don't exist.

I got a pretty decent amount of work done this weekend; I have roughly two and half final projects left. I want to write poetry, but I keep making myself push it to the end of the list because otherwise I spend all my time on it.

I'm also so beyond ready to move out; I can't even tell you. My roommates... well, you've all heard it.

Anyway. Once more unto the breech.

(What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?)

Tuesday, April 14th, 2009
11:24 am
not much into health food, I am into champagne
It's very frustrating to have a perfect line of poetry in your head and no poem to go with it. I've been carrying this one line along since about 7 last night, and I've still got nothing to follow it. Hm.

I have only three major projects left, and then a final. And a small handful of daily assignments, of course. Bah. I kind of want to skip out on sleeping for the next couple of days and just plow through all of this work and be done with it. I also want to sink, like, eighteen hours into editing my poetry, and I don't have that kind of time yet (but I would if I didn't sleep for three days!).

I made it to senior member status on my new and beloved forum, and I joined Camellia House. For those of you who understand that, yes, I am now apparently a living representative of perfection XD I'm also the only Camellia adept right now, so I have complete and utter control over the House ^^;;

UNO told Sami that they should have something to tell us about assistantships by the middle of next week. I really, really hope I get one, because that would make my financial situation about ten thousand times better, and I really hope Sami gets one, because if she doesn't, she isn't coming to UNO with me :|

In so very, very many ways, my life is going to be utterly altered within the next three weeks. I have two job interviews at the end of this week. School is out in under four weeks. I'm moving in with Kevin when school gets out. I'm going to grad school in the fall. Things are very clearly moving into The Next Stage. It's exhilarating, even though it is making me dreadfully bored/impatient with all my classes here and now.

(4 deep thoughts | What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?)

Monday, April 13th, 2009
8:34 pm
on days like this, it's kind of twisted but I miss him most
Vee, of course

Re amazon moral outrage:

http://community.livejournal.com/brutal_honesty/3168992.html
mirror: http://j.wuffgirl.com/amazonfailexplained.txt

Amazon didn't do anything. One person grabbed the list of every gay/lesbian book on Amazon and repeatedly used the 'report as offensive' link across a ton of accounts to make Amazon think every single one was an adult product.

(What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?)

12:30 pm
I am oh so tired of you pushing that thorny crown
(see immediately preceding post for moral outrage and Amazon hijinks)

Unrelated to said moral outrage, I got into UNO! So I will, in fact and for certain, be going to grad school in the fall. I am far too excited for typing right now :D

(6 deep thoughts | What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?)

Sunday, April 12th, 2009
9:36 pm
uh, excuse me?
Amazon Rank

Amazon is apparently being a huge bitch and removing LGBT materials' sales ranks, which removes them from search results. A huge amount of fiction is included, e.g. Carey's Kushiel novels, which I adore. The official excuse is something about "adult" content, but playboy and other straight materials are still fine. Also, for kicks, search "homosexuality" on amazon.com, and see how many of the top search results are pro-homosexuality or even neutral on it in any way.

I am not pleased.

ETA: Better explanation than mine can be found here, complete with helpful links. Summary: apparently the official story as of last night is that it was a ... glitch, somehow? Anyway, if anyone else is bored like me and finds interesting developments, feel free to share them with the class :P

(3 deep thoughts | What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?)

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009
2:01 am
love is in the water, love is in the air
I am putting together a CD for ginni (oops, hope that doesn't spoil the surprise). If anyone has suggestions for new music to which I should be listening, now would be a good time to chime in.

Spring Break has been very peaceful, restful, and full of snuggles. Currently, however, I'm in Baton Rouge (without Kevin) doing my laundry, cleaning my room, and generally enjoying being away from his family :|

We signed for an apartment and gave her our deposit, but since Kevin (his name is on the lease, since I don't have a job down there yet) has no credit history, our 'application is pending'. The nice lady said she'd call us tomorrow and let us know if we can have it- I'm optimistic. I'm also a tiny bit concerned about how much space is in the apartment, but I'm sure we'll make it work.

Tomorrow, I go back down to Baton Rouge, and we (hopefully) settle the apartment question. I have six other options pending, though; I'll be calling them tomorrow to collect information in case we get vetoed at this current place. By the end of Spring Break, I want this settled, so I can start figuring out furniture needs and discussing those with my parents.

I have 12 days of classes left - 24 days until we start moving in.

(1 deep thought | What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?)

Saturday, April 4th, 2009
8:22 pm
come together, right now, over me
my amazing weekend of awesomenessCollapse )

I have a paper due the Monday we go back to school, which is a little bleh, and I haven't heard back from UNO yet, which is extremely stressful and infuriating. On the other hand, I'm with Kevin, and that's pretty awesome. And in four weeks, we will be settling into our own place, and it will be glorious. (He calls it "the snuggle palace", and he pronounces 'snuggle' as 'snooggle', just to give you all a taste of what I live with <3)

(What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?)

Wednesday, April 1st, 2009
5:30 pm
'cause after all you do know best
I hit my first serious snag of the semester. I didn't finish my paper for women's lit last night; I got a lot done, and I intended to finish it in my three hour shift at work this morning. Except I got to work and realized my boss had assigned me to work the spring info fair (i.e. NOT sitting at a computer writing my paper) for my *entire* shift, and hadn't bothered to tell me this.

So, the paper was due at 4:40 this afternoon, and I'm... sitting at home finishing it. I have about 500 more words to go, and I could have finished this all already. I'm a bit annoyed at my boss, although I'm more annoyed at myself for letting this happen. Our syllabus says every day something is late takes off 1/3 of a letter grade. I'm not that confident in my writing on this particular paper to really be able to spare that, but what was I supposed to do, print out off an 80% completed paper and turn that in? I don't know; I'm just very put out with myself.

I have an exam tomorrow, too, but then it will be Spring Break!

(What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?)

12:23 am
I have never done nothin' that my spirit couldn't kill
Because Sami is on blogspot, I have recently discovered two of my other friends from high school, both of whom I adore, are also on it. Therefore, I have created a blogspot. But do not fear, fair readers! I am not abandoning livejournal; rather, I am going to use my blogspot journal as a repository for my most polished version of the poems I'm proudest of.

To bring everyone up-to-date, I am on:
facebook
myspace
lj (for my poetry)
blogspot
deviantart (a few poems, mostly for tracking other people)

I will, in fact, be moving to a new livejournal in May. This one will stay here as an archive and because I want a kind of fresh start. I'm still accepting suggestions for a name for that one, though, if anyone comes up with anything brilliant.

(What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?)

Sunday, March 29th, 2009
2:58 pm
I know what I've been told, you gotta work to feed the soul
Kevin and I found an apartment this weekend. We're taking another few days to consider it, but unless something crazy comes to light before next Friday, we'll be signing papers in five days. It's a one bedroom in a pretty small complex. They're landscaping, putting in a new pool, and doing some work to all the apartments- enclosing the private porches/balconies as sunrooms and adding washer/dryers to the apartments. It's just under $640 a month, which is a small bit more than I wanted to pay, but the very nice property manager is knocking $200 off the first month's rent if we sign in the next week. So that's all pretty much settled, and I'm very, very excited.

Sami, Adam, and I went to the Quarter yesterday. I got a new skirt, one of Kamenetz's books, and ginni's present. I hope to get her an additional small thing, but I found a satisfactory 'main' gift, so I'm content. We then all went to Lakeview Harbor for dinner, which was delicious as always.

Kevin wasn't with us because yesterday was his brother's birthday, and his mom wanted to take them all out. Now, I would've been absolutely fine had she said something like "I want this just to be a family thing, is it cool if Mary doesn't come" to either me or Kevin. What actually happened was she asked Kevin if I was planning to come, and he said no (because I'd already made plans with Sami for the Quarter). She then told him good, because Gordon doesn't like me and she knows I don't like Gordon, so it's probably better that I'm not around for his birthday. And Kevin finally told me this last night after we'd all gotten home and stuff because I asked him like six different ways what exactly went down that I wasn't invited. I don't have a problem with Gordon; I certainly don't dislike him. I had no idea that he disliked me. I still don't know if that's true or if it's just Kevin's mom deciding things, because she thinks I don't like her, either, and *that's* also not true. I don't really know what else I'm supposed to be doing- apparently I'm not outgoing enough? I try to stay out of their way, because I'm kind of here a lot and I don't want them getting annoyed with me. I'm polite and friendly (I thought?) when they talk to me. I just... it hit me kinda hard.

It also revealed another issue that's been building for a while. That conversation between Kevin and his mom took place, like, last Tuesday or so. Kevin didn't tell me a single bit of it until I dug for it last night. He doesn't like to upset me, and in his mind, not volunteering information that will upset me is a form of protecting me. We talked about it some last night, because I'd really rather know and deal with it and move on than not know and just be puzzling around in the dark, but I'm not sure he really got it.

In summary: we found an apartment, which is excellent, because I need to not be around his family this much anymore. Only four more weekends here!

(3 deep thoughts | What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?)

Wednesday, March 25th, 2009
11:13 am
this time smile fades into summer
If I can just make it through this next week, I'll be able to breathe a little. Oh, Spring Break, get here faster.

I turned in a paper on Monday and gave a presentation (plus short essay) on Tuesday. Next Monday, I have a thesis and a list of 15 sources for my final project due, next Wednesday I turn in another paper, and on Thursday I have an exam. But after that, Spring Break! Yay getting to sleep!!

Things are hectic, but I'm (mostly) keeping up. My life online is settling into new and (mostly) John-free patterns. It's annoying that he's made me no longer comfortable on TDK, but whatever; that forum doesn't amuse me like it used to anyway. I'm not quitting or anything, because I have friends still there, but don't be surprised if my participation declines. I've found somewhere I like better (TDA).

Next week for poetry class we have to write a poem about a dream we have. This means I have to start getting up even early to record my dreams before the shower washes them out of my head.

(What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?)

Monday, March 23rd, 2009
12:08 am
I would've stayed up with you all night
I have successfully worked something out that's been bothering me for a few months or so. No, I can't be less cryptic than that.

Next weekend I am going apartment shopping and also wedding present for ginni shopping! I've been informed that some people actually like to hear about this whole getting an apartment process, so I have resolved to update more regularly instead of assuming I'm boring you all. Kevin and I have narrowed it down to five apartments we want to look at next Friday; all of them look (from the internet information) acceptable, so we're going to see which one is best.

On Saturday, Sami and I are going to the Quarter to shop for ginni's wedding present. She's assured me that Alan will not be offended by me buying a present specifically for her ^^;

My paper is still not done, because my computer abruptly reset itself and ate my first version. So I am redoing it all D:

On the mucho plus-o side, ginni called me earlier this evening, and it was amazing and special and has pretty much made my night. I think I will be pleased for the next week or so <3

(What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?)

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